Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Test Driving A Spouse

Idalis Burgos

I was listening to Elvis Duran radio show in the morning on my way to school a few days ago and the topic of that day was the 2 year renewable contract marriages in Mexico.  Surprisingly, many of the callers were opposed to this kind of marriage arrangement.  I have always heard of contract marriages, but what I didn’t know was that somewhere in the world this is actually about to become legal, or the norm even.  If passed, the law is said to help newlyweds avoid the hassle of the tedious process of divorce.  The couples can sign a marriage contract with a minimum of two years with the option to opt out of the marriage after two years.  And I quote, "’the proposal is, when the two-year period is up, if the relationship is not stable or harmonious, the contract simply ends,’ says the bill's co-author, Leonel Luna of the leftist Party of the Democratic Revolution, Reuters reports.”  If a couple wishes not to renew their contract they can walk away scot free, no legal hassle, and no dragged out legal matters.  This makes me wonder what effect this will have on the constitution of marriage. 
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/09/mexico-city-lawmaker-propose-renewable-marriage-contracts/1#                                                                 
Growing up, I always imagined getting married to the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  The culture in which I was raised taught me that you marry for love and you spend the rest of your life fighting for that love.  Wedding vowels are to be recited to your partner before family and friends and most importantly, locked and sealed before God.  And you spend the rest of your life compromising and growing in love unless it becomes harmful, dangerous or unfaithful.  If the idea of a renewable marriage contract spreads, why would anyone feel the need to salvage a marriage when in just two years, they can opt out?  In other words, why fix something that can easily be replaced?  Some people already take marriage as a joke and this will only reinforce that kind of careless behavior. 
Now, I understand that life doesn’t always work out as planned.  But throughout the course of the radio show, I still could not understand the idea of going into a marriage without the intent of spending the rest of your life with that person.  It just seems like God is being taken out of everything and being replaced with the government and what’s convenient.  The constitution of marriage is based on love, faithfulness and endurance amongst other things.  It seems so superficial, like leasing a car with the option to buy.  In this case, test driving a spouse with the option to renew your marriage contract.  I don’t know.  What do you all think?

Tes

13 comments:

  1. Aleshia SatterthwaiteOctober 19, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    I agree with you, it does seem God been removed from what our fore fathers establish this country on. Marriage is a commitment not a contract. I would question the motives of a couple that would treat marriage like buying a new car. Think about it when you buy a new car as soon as you leave the lot it has lost its worth. Than after time you want to trade for a newer model.
    Marriage is a commitment made in the presents of God. Two committed people in a marriage will cause it to grow and become more valuable. Of course life is not perfect but if you start out committed you’re given your marriage a fighting chance in this unsettled world that we live in today.
    Great post....

    ReplyDelete
  2. i don't think the intent of staying with your spouse is really removed. really, it seems to work alongside a very real concept: marriages are no longer considered the end-all-be-all for adults in america. the numbers don't lie, either-- divorce rates run from 40% of adults in the first marriage and 75% in their third. if it doesn't work out both parties involved wouldn't have to go through the mudslinging that is divorce and if it does, it does.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I see your point of view, however, I don't think people enter into a marriage with the intent to divorce and I also don't think the couples who enter these marriage contracts are treating marriage as a joke. People who get married in a church do not always stay together till death do they part; the relationship dynamic changes,one person starts to realize they aren't ready to be wed, adultry, etc. There are many reasons marriages today don't last, and people are starting to foresee the outcome of a marriage gone wrong and are looking out for themselves. Of course it would be great if all marriages lasted the test of time, however, they don't. Its a smart idea to be able to renew your "vows" every two years or so. If people knew they didn't want to spend their life with an other, they wouldn't get married or enter a contract like this. In my opinion the contract is no different than an actual marriage if the love is still there, as Luna said it is just easier for both parties if/when the relationship doesn't last.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Okay I'm a little afraid to say this and hopefully I won't be "striked down" for saying this (fingers crossed LOL).. but I disagree with the whole God thing (even though I personally DO believe in God.) Idalis Burgos.. I believe you said that "Wedding vowels are to be recited to your partner before family and friends and most importantly, locked and sealed before God". Well NOT EVERYONE believes in God!! So its extremely bias to say that if God isn't in some way part of marriage than it doesn't hold the same value of a marriage "with God involved". HOWEVER, I do agree with you on other things .. A lot of people go into marriages already prepared for failure (prenuptial agreements etc). And others just get married just to have a wedding but don't actually see themselves with that person for more than 5 to 10 years. And others just get married because they feel as if they have to to be "normal". Also the constitution of marriage inevitability WILL AND ALREADY IS changing with or without this 2year marriage contract. People are becoming more liberal and promiscuous and therefore don't see divorce as such a bad thing and also can no longer see themselves with the person they married for the rest of there lives. It sometimes makes me wonder what the point is of getting married anymore is. But anyway If people want to do the 2 year marriage contract than they should. If people don't agree with it than they shouldn't. Who am I to say what is right because sometimes its necessary other times its not. Just depends on whether you're the type of girl/gut who would put up with being unhappy your whole life with your partner and smile through the pain. Or if you're the type of girl/guy who would never settle for less just because you made vows to this person. My final thought is that indeed the constitution of marriage should be based on love, faithfulness and endurance TO AN EXTENT. But sometimes things just don't work out, sometimes people change for the worse, and sometimes couples start bringing out the worse in each other more than they bring out the good. So in my opinion the 2 year contract thing can actually be beneficial to some. Sad but TRUE!
    Brittni Green =)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is all true with the rate of divorce and "mudslinging" going up. (Hilarious) And I did say that I understand and agree to divorce when it becomes "harmful, dangerous or unfaithful." But just imagine a man getting on one knee and saying "will you marry me for two years and see where it goes from there?" That's going to give proposing a whole new make-over.
    I must say that I am biased because I strongly believe in God. But you have to admit that God is what this country was built on. Laws and norms were derived from the beliefs of our founding fathers. Then came the civil rights, freedom of speech, etc. I'm not here to dispute God's existance, but its on our currency and people use it everyday whether they believe or don't believe. "In God We Trust."
    Like Brittne Green said, "People are becoming more liberal and promiscuous and therefore don't see divorce as such a bad thing and also can no longer see themselves with the person they married for the rest of there lives. It sometimes makes me wonder what the point is of getting married anymore is." This makes me wonder what will happen with 2 year contract as an option. People are already so willing to divorce knowing the hassle that comes with it. People will be jumping in and out of marriages like they're playing double dutch. And what does this do to the children who are born during these cancelled marriages? I wonder how this will increase the rate of the already increasing number of single parent households.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah I do agree with you Idalis Burgos when you said "people will be jumping in and out of marriages like a game of double dutch. But what do you think is the main reason for such high divorce rates? .. BESIDES THE GOD THING. Do you think its the economy, the or even the media maybe? Just wondering about your take on the whole thing Idalis.

    ReplyDelete
  7. the fact remains that just because other people can get a divorce with more ease doesn't mean everyone has to. if you have a spouse and want to stay married no one is forcing you to divorce them after two years. i.e. if you don't want to then simply don't, but don't imply that what you think is right is so for everyone else.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree with your hesitation regarding this new idea. I too have always believed that marriage was a lifelong commitment and I will have an understanding going into it that it will be a challenge at times. It seems that a lot of people these days get married and somewhere in the back of their minds they are thinking, "If this gets too hard we can always get divorced." I guess to some extent people have already been taking advantage of this opportunity to "opt-out"; it just hasn't been in the form of a legalized contract.

    ReplyDelete
  9. marriage is supposed to be sacred, but its not. most people just want someone to be there. someone to come home to. be it a good relationship or not.the thought of being alone is a scary thought. And as a result a lot of people get married for fear of being alone. some people just don't understand the words for "richer or poorer in sickness and in health till DEATH due you part." some people just forget about the love that is supposed to be there and treat a marriage as if ifs a game they can quit at any time . i always wondered what happened to the dedication and sticking it out even thru the bad times. i agree that getting a divorce has become waaaaay to easy now a days. and at the first sign of trouble people run. a two year marriage contract is a total mess! when i think of marriage i don't think of it as a temporary option i think of it as a life long commitment. and what ever happened to the courting stage of a relationship isn't that where you figure out wether or not you want to be with this person for the rest of your life BEFORE you make a commitment to marry?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think that this is a good way to help stop increasing the divorce rate. On the other hand, I think that this is defacing the meaning of marriage and also the whole point of why you get married.

    ReplyDelete
  11. i would have to say that i am truly surprised at your blog. i never heard of this contract for newly weds. i would have to agree with you on this. what would be the point of settling down with someone if your going into it thinking it's not gonna work out. All relationship are not perfect and have struggles, but what is the point on working it out if you or your partner are jus waiting to end a contract agreement. I don't see the love in that at all.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I really like this topic. Marriage is supposed to be the point in a person life where you finally found the person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. I may not know much about marriage but I do know that theres vowels in which you tell your lover how much you love them. The second you sign that contract, you're basically doubting your marriage. What's the point of getting married if theres doubt lingering around and that after two years you can just call it quits with no problem. In my family, if theres a problem in your marriage, you work it out with one another. No one is perfect, therefore, no relationship will ever be perfect so of course theres going to be a few problems here and there, but you work it out. And if you need to, pray on it because a family that prays together stays together.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. There are so many reasons why this would be horrible for marriages everywhere.First of all, yes, I do believe that this would completely destroy the sanctity of marriage. I personally believe that marriage is first and foremost a contract to each, because of LOVE, witnessed by God. However, There are many people who do not believe marriage and religion connect, so when dealing with people like this, we have to bring up other factors that would greatly be affected. Regardless of whether or not a man and woman believe in God, in order to be marrying each other, they should at LEAST be truly in love. Someone who wants to marry another person should have the confidence and faith in the relationship that something like this would not even be a consideration. Going into this contract marriage would be like saying, "I love you, and I do believe we will make it, but just in case we don't lets make sure we have a way out." This is NOT what marriage should be about! The reality of the matter is that the divorce rate is rising, but I do not believe it is for no reason. I believe that if people take a long enough time getting to truly know each other before marriage and spend enough time maturing and really deciding on this life altering issue, divorce would decline greatly. Marriages are rushed and pushed for whatever reason. If either party is not truly ready, of course it will fall apart. So yes, This would greatly decrease divorce rates, but why do "rates" matter? By going into this contract marriage you are saying yes, I want to commit without really having to commit. That goes against what love is about. It's about sacrifice and taking a risk even though you know you can be hurt, and even though you don't know the future; trusting someone with you heart, and having faith that your love is strong enough to make it through anything. Marriage is NOT cell phone company like Metro PCS where you can have the service like any other phone and quit without penalty. This is how contract marriages would operate. The reality is, that marriage is supposed to mean something, contract marriage takes the seriousness of this commitment completely out of the equation.

    Ashley Rivera

    ReplyDelete